Bonus Children

Jan 27, 2017
3 min read

Your current significant other has a child, or childrEEEENNSS and you are super hesitant because of the responsibility or commitment it can come with.(You sure you ready for this?) I will be the first one to tell you as a single mother it does come with responsibility. Ask yourself do you see a future with this person or is it just a quick fix to underlying issues in your life? Many of us get into relationships and selfishly drag our kids into the mix as well for convenience sake. Before you jump into bed, or into the head of someone else ask yourself is this real? is this the same relationship again with a different body?

I adopted the term "Bonus" from my daughter's sister's Mom (yea, I know its a lot) , very present in her life and instead of step mom she used the term bonus mom. It made me feel more comfortable with the situation by using a lighter word. After some tension in the past , if proper steps were taken could have been avoided, it made me feel a lot better about everything. But Hey, you live and you learn . As a woman, if you are choosing to date a man with children please be aware of these three guidelines to keep emotions and confusion at bay and ensure a relationship with love at the center.

1. Accept this child is going to always be there, and will be accompanied by a parent. Unless the other parent is no longer in the picture.

-Do what you can to create a loving relationship with the other parent, you all don't have to hang out, go shopping, and tell each secrets while braiding hair but at least have a close enough relationship to SPEAK! And stay current on what's happening with the children involved.

2. Accept your role as a Bonus Mom, discuss what it means to you with both parents.

-Do you know what it means to be responsible for another being? Even if its just for a few hours or the weekend? Its cool if you don't, this is the reason why fostering the relationship with the parents is so crucial. They can help you. Especially your partner.

3. Attention: You will now be mimicked by this child, evaluate your behavior much? lol

- Do not act a fool in front of the children! lol I had to be a blunt as possible. What is classified as acting a fool, you ask? Anything you see on Love and Hip-Hop! Inappropriate !Lol My child doesn't even need to watch that show, you would know that if you had the initial consultation (this is business! Lol) before the relationship with the children began. See, yall play too much!

At the end of the day you are now in the life of the child and since their parent loves you, they will too. The spirit of a child is so beautiful because it lacks the judgmental filters of an adult and will show you the most pure form of love you have ever known. I write on this topic from experience and trust me an understanding at the beginning will do a world of good,scratch that, GREAT! Stop the Pettiness in 2017! Go and talk to that woman about her child and the tone of the relationship with the father. If you don't then those things are assumed and what we know about assumptions from Drizzy (Drake) is they are not respected.

All in all, it's a new day and parents and relationships are not the same anymore, but we have to grow with the times and allow evolution to take place. When children are involved the most respect and reserve should be shown. Lets actually show them how its done to have love at the center of everything. Cut the " I don't want no other women around my kids " act in 2017 cause to be real with y'all it will happen if you like it or not. Be open to change and be open to conversation. A little smile, and real talk never hurt anyone. The kids will suffer the most in the end. Lets Get Some Purpose In The Way We Live!!

Later Peeps!

Muaaah!